Concerning the emotional development of intelligent children and teenagers

After reading the post in http://tiabuilder.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-intelligent-people-tend-to-be.html by Bill Allin about the tendency of intelligent people to sadness I want to write about a subject that I have been thinking some time. It is the emotional needs of intelligent children and teenagers.
Intelligent persons tend to think over practically everything. They may think about a physics problem but also the characteristics of behavior of people around or their character. They analyze things from a very early age and tend to be quiet and not very energetic. This behavior gradually inhibits the spontaneous child behavior with the result of slower action initiative but also the gradual developing of distance between the person and the peer group that acts in a different manner more conventional. The child or teenager is then practicallly expelled from the peer group as a misfit or someone too different to hang out with. The rejection (continoous usually) at the preadult ages is devastating on an emotional level. Usually that person cannot understand the cause of this. There is also the tendency in people to think in the way if someone is quiet and reserved let him be and this most times is done by the parents too. And this is not acceptable of course. It is reasonable that parents that are not of the same intellectual level as their children will have problems understanding them but they are the ones that are most needed in order the intelligent young person to mature emotionally and be able to face the hostility that many times the human environment has against such persons.
The first and most important factor is the attention in the family. The child or teen needs to know and feel that the parents care and try to help him when it is needed.Even if the parents cannot understand the child due to his difference they must show that they try to be there and it might be good to express this difficulty so the child/teen can understand that their possible failure to understand him is not because of indifference. They must make the child/teen understand that despite his different way of thought they do what they can for him. I believe that it is more important for the young person to feel that the parents care and try to help than the actual success of their help and understanding.
The second factor is love. Simply love. A child or teen however smart or not needs to be loved. The fact that this person is an excellent thinker has nothing to do with how child he is. Every child and teen needs love that is expressed. Some parents tend to take it as a fact that the child feels their love but do nothing about expressing their love either verbaly or physically by a hug or something. Many parents believe that because on the intellectual level the child thinks as a grown up that it also feels as one but that is not true as the emotional maturing is very rarely connected to the intellectual one.
The third factor is the way parents try to develop the child's/teenager's self-confidence and that is very important since such persons tend to be expelled by their peer groups and this destroys self confidence. First the parents must encourage their children to do things that are feasible for their age but also for their abilities. They must encourage them to take initiative but also to make their own decision in subjects that are not too crucial to come into the parents responsibility but important enouph to help children make decisions and make the right ones at least as often is possible. If a person reaches adulthood without even having made one choice by himself how can he make his decisions later? It will be extremely difficult especially for intelligent people that tend to analyze and see the aspects over and over usually not finding the 100% right choice. What they have not learned is that most times there is no such thing as absolutely right choice. Except for that parents are the ones that must teach children that failure is inevitable many times and that what they must do is find the mistake and try again. The children must be encouraged to do so and not be labeled worthless and incapable. Moreover the parents need to show that they trust their children of course within the boundaries that are acceptable.
By all I have said previously I don't suggest that parents should let children do whatever they want. Rules are very crucial in order the child and teenager to develop the structured personality that can cope with society and be a succesful part of it. And I believe that one of the greatest lessons for a child is to learn when it must break a rule and face the concequences in the rare situations that the rule is not appropriate. Because that is the way life and society is.
One last thing is that parents should not try to force their children do what they think normal because every person is different and especially intelligent ones. However children can be encouraged to involve these more conventional antivities in their style of life since they help them interact better with other people andso reach maturity and happiness.

about antisocial (not sociable) behavior

I want to write something about people who for different reasons try to stay away from other people and feel ok only when they are alone. I believe it is a serious problem of today's society. There are many reasons for people to behave in this way. There are people who just can't stand the others. They get irritated by everything especially when they think their personal space is invaded. Other people are too shy to have social relations. They are practically afraid of the contact with other people. They don't know what to say or to do in such cases and therefore to avoid the stress of this situation they prefer to stay alone. Both categories are in practive incapable to cope with the changes that human and social contact brings, they feel comfortable in their more static way of life. But the question is why this people become antisocial and practically incapable of feeling the joy of contact?
The need to communicate with other people is something we have from birth. Babies love to be smiled at or hugged. Children like to have the attention of the other children and the adults and enjoy it. So what happened to these people? The basis in succesful communication is given in the primary cell of family. The success of a family gives the child the ability to perform communication and contact with others. Such a family works in terms of a continous try to understand each other, of conversation about the problems and needs of every member but also love that is shown. In such a family the child learns to express its opinion , to discuss his interests and problems and it learns also that it can love and be loved by people. A person which has received respect in its early years will have the ability to have its own personality, believe in it and express it too. Also an active family brings a dynamical way of life and the child learns to cope with change and get interest from it. The exact opposite can happen when in the family there is violence or verbal fighting ,indifference, lack of understanding, disrespect for the child. Then the child is very probable to start keeping distances from people and never grow the self-confidence to become social.
Exept family there is also the group of friends that in teen years plays a significant role in the social develpment of the human. When in the peer group the teen receives rejection he can restrain from contact and slowly become antisocial. We need friends to respect us and help us in our teen years in order to build a trust to ourselves and to society and become sociable.
But there is always the possibility of an adult from antisocial becoming sociable. This needs a lot of inner strength but most importantly friends and family with the mental and emotional strength to help. Unfortunately the people with these qualities are to few and the people with antisocial behavior to many. Does this state something about the success of our society? I believe yes. As a society we perform superficial contact and communication lacking the ability to go deeper to create an emotional communication too and explore the benefits of this deep mental-emotional contact. It is though reasonable in a society of mistrust and of lack of frankness. Yet a try is worth the benefits that can come from it.