- Have sex (it is the best cure as specialists suggest)
- Eat a nice full meal (not if you are on a diet because then your stress will increase)
- Try an activity you like especially exercise. That way the hormonic balance is restored and much of the tension goes away due to the fatigue.
- Tidy up your house. The exercise helps but the basic factor here is that the more structured look of the house and the decrease in observable items helps the optical part of brain relax as it has less information to process and that way the brain relaxes as a whole.
- Watch something on TV. It must be something specific and not what you find in front of you. That way watching the show includes a target that helps brain concentrate and at the same time relax.
- Listen to music that has a relaxing effect. It is better if it is not your favorite music since it can make you tense.
- Go for a coffee with friends in a comfortable place. Always a good choice especially when the cafe has a medium number of customers. It is better if the music is not to loud in order to relax.
- Read an article in a magazine (not a very sophisticated one).
- Improvise in doing something relaxing and enjoyable.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Easing the stress of everyday situations
This post makes some suggestions about how to face stress that today is quite usual and annoying too as it makes it more difficult for us to do what we want in a succesful manner. Stress is something that practically every person excibits fromr children to elder people. When we feel in stress there are a number of actions we can undertake to relieve the tension and balance ourselves. Here is a list:
How women think and behave
This post expresses my opinion on women's thought and behavior. It is a controversial subject that has been continoously discussed by men and not only.
I believe that in essense women think similarly to men. There is no specific difference that is biologicaly connected to the difference of sex. However women think differently than men. Why does that happen? In my opinion the basic factor that has formulated the woman's way of thought is the society and conditions in which they have lived throughout the centuries. Being naturally inferior in body mass and strength to men they had to use other methods to satisfy their self-interest. For that reason they have developed the ability to persuade and use men's weaknesses to do what they wish. They use a more sideways approach to suggesting what they want or even demand it. They are diplomatic and cunning in order to do what they want. For that reason women think in a more wide way calculating the concequences and express their thought less than men.
Moreover their traditional responsibilities in the house have helped develop a practical way of thought not to analytical but effective. The house needs a firm control and has many things to be taken care of so thinking every detail is not suitable but a limited depth thought of many things concurrently is the optimum. This attribute is derived also by the above stated need for control over the male since it gives practicallity and easy application in everyday life.
There is also an increased tendency in women to be very careful with the expenditure of money to the various needs that can be related to the fact that for most part of the society's existence they had not been the ones working and so they had to rely on the income that the male brought home.
Yet while the traditional woman model and behavior (one that I believe has passed genetically to women up to modern times) where a woman uses subtlety and clever ways to achieve her goals is still observable in women there is also a new behavioral and thinking tendency deriving from feminism , equality and the last century's developments in society. Modern women in their try to become equal to men adopt features that they don't like in men. We hear women talking like they got out of a ghetto or something . They are (some of them, not a few though) very hostile, they tend to become easily irritated and are too willing to adopt every behavior of a man that they consider behavior of an animal because in doing so they feel that they become equall and that they acquire control. This however creates deep problems in society and both sexes. The confusion of women's character that adopts biologically elements of the traditional woman and by society's influences elements of traditional man's behavior creates a wall between the two sexes. For example, most women like to be "hunted" my men as far as sexual approach is considered. Yet they show a character that is unfriendly and they also show this behavior during the approach process. Moreover there is a tendency from women's side to describe as harassment approaches from men they don't like.These factors create a problem to men in the approach, since they are afraid of much more than a rejection. And after that women will state things like men are not existent anymore or men are chickens etc. Moreover they want a gentle behavior towards them but how is it possible when they are not behaving so? Or they want the man to take all initiatives in a sexual relation when everything they do declares that they want to be the ones that decide everything. This situation show that there is a role confusion that creates a crisis today. Women are in the process of a behavioral change that may take hundreds of years and during that process they exhibit two opposing psychological patterns resulting in an almost schizophrenic behavior.
This article is in no way intended to be an accusation declaration against women. It just states the current situation as I perceive it. In my opinion women should search once more for their behavioral and character attributes that give them an advantage in society and that they possesed for thousands of years. Their gentleness and subtlety is not to be sacrificed for the satisfaction of their control obsession. These are features that can go together with a modern woman that is enjoying equality without losing what makes her a woman.
I believe that in essense women think similarly to men. There is no specific difference that is biologicaly connected to the difference of sex. However women think differently than men. Why does that happen? In my opinion the basic factor that has formulated the woman's way of thought is the society and conditions in which they have lived throughout the centuries. Being naturally inferior in body mass and strength to men they had to use other methods to satisfy their self-interest. For that reason they have developed the ability to persuade and use men's weaknesses to do what they wish. They use a more sideways approach to suggesting what they want or even demand it. They are diplomatic and cunning in order to do what they want. For that reason women think in a more wide way calculating the concequences and express their thought less than men.
Moreover their traditional responsibilities in the house have helped develop a practical way of thought not to analytical but effective. The house needs a firm control and has many things to be taken care of so thinking every detail is not suitable but a limited depth thought of many things concurrently is the optimum. This attribute is derived also by the above stated need for control over the male since it gives practicallity and easy application in everyday life.
There is also an increased tendency in women to be very careful with the expenditure of money to the various needs that can be related to the fact that for most part of the society's existence they had not been the ones working and so they had to rely on the income that the male brought home.
Yet while the traditional woman model and behavior (one that I believe has passed genetically to women up to modern times) where a woman uses subtlety and clever ways to achieve her goals is still observable in women there is also a new behavioral and thinking tendency deriving from feminism , equality and the last century's developments in society. Modern women in their try to become equal to men adopt features that they don't like in men. We hear women talking like they got out of a ghetto or something . They are (some of them, not a few though) very hostile, they tend to become easily irritated and are too willing to adopt every behavior of a man that they consider behavior of an animal because in doing so they feel that they become equall and that they acquire control. This however creates deep problems in society and both sexes. The confusion of women's character that adopts biologically elements of the traditional woman and by society's influences elements of traditional man's behavior creates a wall between the two sexes. For example, most women like to be "hunted" my men as far as sexual approach is considered. Yet they show a character that is unfriendly and they also show this behavior during the approach process. Moreover there is a tendency from women's side to describe as harassment approaches from men they don't like.These factors create a problem to men in the approach, since they are afraid of much more than a rejection. And after that women will state things like men are not existent anymore or men are chickens etc. Moreover they want a gentle behavior towards them but how is it possible when they are not behaving so? Or they want the man to take all initiatives in a sexual relation when everything they do declares that they want to be the ones that decide everything. This situation show that there is a role confusion that creates a crisis today. Women are in the process of a behavioral change that may take hundreds of years and during that process they exhibit two opposing psychological patterns resulting in an almost schizophrenic behavior.
This article is in no way intended to be an accusation declaration against women. It just states the current situation as I perceive it. In my opinion women should search once more for their behavioral and character attributes that give them an advantage in society and that they possesed for thousands of years. Their gentleness and subtlety is not to be sacrificed for the satisfaction of their control obsession. These are features that can go together with a modern woman that is enjoying equality without losing what makes her a woman.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Balancing self-interest and society benefit
Self-interest is one of the most accused words and ideas in mankind's history. It has been blamed for every disaster political , economical, environmental etc. On the other side the tendency to benefit society and other individuals has been considered divine-related, a higher quality. The first is considered to be the source of evil while the latter the source of good. In my opinion these viewpoints are outdated. The definition itself of good and evil is an overgeneralisation that was made to set rules to the mass and define its behavior to support a normal society function. It has been used also for the interest of special groups. Good and evil are easy to understand even for a small child but is it not that something good for me can be bad, harming for another and vice-versa? Can we really define them?
In my opinion by his nature human is a being that works toward his own interest. It is the way things work in the living creatures. The self-preservation and improvement of level of life is the target of every person. Towards that goal many species have discovered the benefits of cooperation creating societies. In societies the benefit that is offered from a member to the group is usually returned back by improving the level of life of each member beyond the individual's ability. For that reason humans but also other species have evolved to need the communication and contact of a group on intellectual and emotional level but also to have the tendency to offer their services to society and other individuals, to help. This evolved so high that an individual can feel pain when the other persons is in pain for example,resulting to compassion.
The cooperative tendency is opposite to the selfish tendency. They are the two ends of the line of human behavior. There are many styles of people with behaviors standing on some point of this line. What is the best area of this line?
Some will tell that people must be cooperative and compassionate and even self-sacrificing in order the society to improve and reach its goals. But this is against principle number 1 of existence that is preserve your life and improve it. Every time someone sucrificies his own interest and stands on the cooperative, offering side of the line, someone will take advantage of this in order to satisfy his own interest. It is in human nature. There can be no selfish people with total ignorance about society rules when there are not people to stoically sit and watch their rights diminish. The person that really deserves to be the example of the succesful society member is the one standing near the middle of the line. This person does what he must do to achieve his personal goals and satisfy his interest but he puts some limits to his actions concerning how harmful they can be for others or the society. He will do something opposite to another person's interest but within boundaries. This person will help other people too and offer benefit to the society but he will not let people step over him and go against his rights. This person offers to the society and himself almost equally (there is space for diversity). If we train a society of such people that can assess a situation and the pros and cons for theirselves and the others and then act in a balanced way we can create a balanced society that will not tolerate selfish people without boundaries and force them to either balance themselves or be left outside. There will be no victims of their goodness and no exploiters because each individual will be in a balanced state of acting to fullfil self-interest and society benefit being at the same time complete individuals but also succesful parts of the society.
What I claim in this post is that the way to improving ourselves and society is through balancing our goals and thinking the consequences in both short and long terms (self-interest is generally more short-term than the benefit from offering to the society) of our actions. We are to try the best for us and try it in the least harmful way for the others. Each one of us can find his or hers balance and be consciously selfish and offering to the others in a suitable proportion.
In my opinion by his nature human is a being that works toward his own interest. It is the way things work in the living creatures. The self-preservation and improvement of level of life is the target of every person. Towards that goal many species have discovered the benefits of cooperation creating societies. In societies the benefit that is offered from a member to the group is usually returned back by improving the level of life of each member beyond the individual's ability. For that reason humans but also other species have evolved to need the communication and contact of a group on intellectual and emotional level but also to have the tendency to offer their services to society and other individuals, to help. This evolved so high that an individual can feel pain when the other persons is in pain for example,resulting to compassion.
The cooperative tendency is opposite to the selfish tendency. They are the two ends of the line of human behavior. There are many styles of people with behaviors standing on some point of this line. What is the best area of this line?
Some will tell that people must be cooperative and compassionate and even self-sacrificing in order the society to improve and reach its goals. But this is against principle number 1 of existence that is preserve your life and improve it. Every time someone sucrificies his own interest and stands on the cooperative, offering side of the line, someone will take advantage of this in order to satisfy his own interest. It is in human nature. There can be no selfish people with total ignorance about society rules when there are not people to stoically sit and watch their rights diminish. The person that really deserves to be the example of the succesful society member is the one standing near the middle of the line. This person does what he must do to achieve his personal goals and satisfy his interest but he puts some limits to his actions concerning how harmful they can be for others or the society. He will do something opposite to another person's interest but within boundaries. This person will help other people too and offer benefit to the society but he will not let people step over him and go against his rights. This person offers to the society and himself almost equally (there is space for diversity). If we train a society of such people that can assess a situation and the pros and cons for theirselves and the others and then act in a balanced way we can create a balanced society that will not tolerate selfish people without boundaries and force them to either balance themselves or be left outside. There will be no victims of their goodness and no exploiters because each individual will be in a balanced state of acting to fullfil self-interest and society benefit being at the same time complete individuals but also succesful parts of the society.
What I claim in this post is that the way to improving ourselves and society is through balancing our goals and thinking the consequences in both short and long terms (self-interest is generally more short-term than the benefit from offering to the society) of our actions. We are to try the best for us and try it in the least harmful way for the others. Each one of us can find his or hers balance and be consciously selfish and offering to the others in a suitable proportion.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Ideas on the function of emotion
This post expresses hypothesis not based on any scientific theories that I know of. It is a theory about how emotion emerges in an evolutionary manner.
I believe that emotion is a kind of subconscious thought combined with biochemical activity in body and mind. It is in my opinion an automated thought pattern that through its hardwired and subconscious nature is performed in extreme velocity in order to cope with frequently experienced situations. For example let's consider fear that is a relatively simple emotion. Fear is the result of a subconsious assessment of a situation that is potentially harmful for the person that experiences it or for a very close (in emotional terms ) person. In many persons the physical result of fear is an improvement in thought ability and in corporal response through a biochemical procedure. In a way the subconsious calculates the situation's risk and creates a reponse that allows the person to take action to solve the crisis. So the input coming from the outside world, the conscious thought and the unconscious thought are processed by the emotion pattern detection path and create the emotional state of the person. Under the influence of the specific emotional state the person tends to instinctively (subconsciously) or by conscious thought take action to the direction that solves the problem. According to the previous ideas we can consider first the instinctive part of emotion that does the assessment of a situation. This part takes its input from externall world but also other thought sources in the brain. It finds the emotional state modification that suits the input and changes the emotional state. Another part of this path induces the hormonic response that makes the emotion so intensely felt. I believe emotion is a completely subconscious brain activity that surfaces to the conscious mind. This is the reason that many times we cannot identify in a conscious level the source of an emotional state in which we are.
From the evolutionary viewpoint this theory suggests that by the development of emotion the responses of the animal or human become better suited to the situation and faster since there is no need for conscious assessment that is very slow. But I don't suggest that the development of emotion happened after the development of conscious thought. In fact because of its simplicity emotion can have emerged from the more machine like neural networks of primitive species. I can't speculate about that. Yet it is sure that both abilities evolve together for millions of years.
This evolution has created emotions and emotional states more complicated and not perfectly matching to viewpoint presented. Also the interaction of emotions creates even more complicated patterns. That can result in emotional responses that seem irrational yet even these can be explained in the frame of reference of the interaction with society. The first form of emotion had to do with self-preservation and the preservation of the subject's children. But with the emerge of society even in animal populations the goals changed and the emotions followed and adapted to the new thought patterns and the new needs.
Closing this post I want to state that I refer to both animals and humans here since emotion precedes the development of the humans and in animals may be more close to my hypothesis, but I believe that neurologically humans have the same emotional mechanisms but in a more developed state.
I believe that emotion is a kind of subconscious thought combined with biochemical activity in body and mind. It is in my opinion an automated thought pattern that through its hardwired and subconscious nature is performed in extreme velocity in order to cope with frequently experienced situations. For example let's consider fear that is a relatively simple emotion. Fear is the result of a subconsious assessment of a situation that is potentially harmful for the person that experiences it or for a very close (in emotional terms ) person. In many persons the physical result of fear is an improvement in thought ability and in corporal response through a biochemical procedure. In a way the subconsious calculates the situation's risk and creates a reponse that allows the person to take action to solve the crisis. So the input coming from the outside world, the conscious thought and the unconscious thought are processed by the emotion pattern detection path and create the emotional state of the person. Under the influence of the specific emotional state the person tends to instinctively (subconsciously) or by conscious thought take action to the direction that solves the problem. According to the previous ideas we can consider first the instinctive part of emotion that does the assessment of a situation. This part takes its input from externall world but also other thought sources in the brain. It finds the emotional state modification that suits the input and changes the emotional state. Another part of this path induces the hormonic response that makes the emotion so intensely felt. I believe emotion is a completely subconscious brain activity that surfaces to the conscious mind. This is the reason that many times we cannot identify in a conscious level the source of an emotional state in which we are.
From the evolutionary viewpoint this theory suggests that by the development of emotion the responses of the animal or human become better suited to the situation and faster since there is no need for conscious assessment that is very slow. But I don't suggest that the development of emotion happened after the development of conscious thought. In fact because of its simplicity emotion can have emerged from the more machine like neural networks of primitive species. I can't speculate about that. Yet it is sure that both abilities evolve together for millions of years.
This evolution has created emotions and emotional states more complicated and not perfectly matching to viewpoint presented. Also the interaction of emotions creates even more complicated patterns. That can result in emotional responses that seem irrational yet even these can be explained in the frame of reference of the interaction with society. The first form of emotion had to do with self-preservation and the preservation of the subject's children. But with the emerge of society even in animal populations the goals changed and the emotions followed and adapted to the new thought patterns and the new needs.
Closing this post I want to state that I refer to both animals and humans here since emotion precedes the development of the humans and in animals may be more close to my hypothesis, but I believe that neurologically humans have the same emotional mechanisms but in a more developed state.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
About Collective Intelligence
Today I want to write about the intellectual power of groups of people. That is what I call here collective intelligence. We believe that the intelligence of the human brain comes from the interconnection of the basic processing units, the neurons. They are interconnected in many complicated ways and give a parallel processing capability to the brain. I believe that the brain can follow at the same time and in a subconscious level many thought paths in order to extract a result. These different thought patterns create different results but the combination of the results that is created tends to be an acceptable choice. I suspect that the brain uses a very refined technique for mutual exclusion between the results smoothing them to match.
These multimethod way of thinking elevates intelligence adjusting the way of thinking to the specific problem by a fuzzy process and not a completely rational one. That way techniques that are new to a field may subconsciously or consciously (where personality creates the tendency to specific ways of thinking) be applied to it and give better results and this is how innovation works.
Even though I cannot be sure about the previous theory in a neurological basis I strongly believe that the element of multimethod approach exists in both conscious and subconscious level boosting our intelligence. Collective intelligence works exactly the same way. In my opinion the collective intelligence of a group of people is more than the sum of the individual intelligences. The way this is achieved is that the intelligence of a person can be enhanced by the interaction with the different personalities and ways of thought in a group. In simple words the person can adopt the way of thinking of the others and adapt it to its specific thought pattern creating an evolved thought path. It is like the "your words gave me an idea " situation. This evolution happens to all the members of the team collectively raising the intelligence in terms of creativity and productivity. This process is continoous and the constant cooperation of people gives better result than the case where after a time of cooperation the team is broken to individual units working alone. Moreover the ideas can be partially formulated by a member of the group and then refined by the other in a way that both thoughts are absolutely necessary, and in that way the communication itself is an intelligence elevating element.
Many ways of thought merging but not completely as it happens to a person that is just influenced by a way of thought but existing at the same time and colliding too to formulate innovative ideas. This is the meaning and power of collective intelligence, the struggle between cooperation and individuallity that creates great ideas and great creations. In conclusion I believe that the way to fully exploiting collective intelligence is the balance between cooperative and individual or even selfish spirit in a manner where the person asseses the other points of view but also defends his own so there is little possibility that the effective one will be lost.
These multimethod way of thinking elevates intelligence adjusting the way of thinking to the specific problem by a fuzzy process and not a completely rational one. That way techniques that are new to a field may subconsciously or consciously (where personality creates the tendency to specific ways of thinking) be applied to it and give better results and this is how innovation works.
Even though I cannot be sure about the previous theory in a neurological basis I strongly believe that the element of multimethod approach exists in both conscious and subconscious level boosting our intelligence. Collective intelligence works exactly the same way. In my opinion the collective intelligence of a group of people is more than the sum of the individual intelligences. The way this is achieved is that the intelligence of a person can be enhanced by the interaction with the different personalities and ways of thought in a group. In simple words the person can adopt the way of thinking of the others and adapt it to its specific thought pattern creating an evolved thought path. It is like the "your words gave me an idea " situation. This evolution happens to all the members of the team collectively raising the intelligence in terms of creativity and productivity. This process is continoous and the constant cooperation of people gives better result than the case where after a time of cooperation the team is broken to individual units working alone. Moreover the ideas can be partially formulated by a member of the group and then refined by the other in a way that both thoughts are absolutely necessary, and in that way the communication itself is an intelligence elevating element.
Many ways of thought merging but not completely as it happens to a person that is just influenced by a way of thought but existing at the same time and colliding too to formulate innovative ideas. This is the meaning and power of collective intelligence, the struggle between cooperation and individuallity that creates great ideas and great creations. In conclusion I believe that the way to fully exploiting collective intelligence is the balance between cooperative and individual or even selfish spirit in a manner where the person asseses the other points of view but also defends his own so there is little possibility that the effective one will be lost.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Concerning the emotional development of intelligent children and teenagers
After reading the post in http://tiabuilder.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-intelligent-people-tend-to-be.html by Bill Allin about the tendency of intelligent people to sadness I want to write about a subject that I have been thinking some time. It is the emotional needs of intelligent children and teenagers.
Intelligent persons tend to think over practically everything. They may think about a physics problem but also the characteristics of behavior of people around or their character. They analyze things from a very early age and tend to be quiet and not very energetic. This behavior gradually inhibits the spontaneous child behavior with the result of slower action initiative but also the gradual developing of distance between the person and the peer group that acts in a different manner more conventional. The child or teenager is then practicallly expelled from the peer group as a misfit or someone too different to hang out with. The rejection (continoous usually) at the preadult ages is devastating on an emotional level. Usually that person cannot understand the cause of this. There is also the tendency in people to think in the way if someone is quiet and reserved let him be and this most times is done by the parents too. And this is not acceptable of course. It is reasonable that parents that are not of the same intellectual level as their children will have problems understanding them but they are the ones that are most needed in order the intelligent young person to mature emotionally and be able to face the hostility that many times the human environment has against such persons.
The first and most important factor is the attention in the family. The child or teen needs to know and feel that the parents care and try to help him when it is needed.Even if the parents cannot understand the child due to his difference they must show that they try to be there and it might be good to express this difficulty so the child/teen can understand that their possible failure to understand him is not because of indifference. They must make the child/teen understand that despite his different way of thought they do what they can for him. I believe that it is more important for the young person to feel that the parents care and try to help than the actual success of their help and understanding.
The second factor is love. Simply love. A child or teen however smart or not needs to be loved. The fact that this person is an excellent thinker has nothing to do with how child he is. Every child and teen needs love that is expressed. Some parents tend to take it as a fact that the child feels their love but do nothing about expressing their love either verbaly or physically by a hug or something. Many parents believe that because on the intellectual level the child thinks as a grown up that it also feels as one but that is not true as the emotional maturing is very rarely connected to the intellectual one.
The third factor is the way parents try to develop the child's/teenager's self-confidence and that is very important since such persons tend to be expelled by their peer groups and this destroys self confidence. First the parents must encourage their children to do things that are feasible for their age but also for their abilities. They must encourage them to take initiative but also to make their own decision in subjects that are not too crucial to come into the parents responsibility but important enouph to help children make decisions and make the right ones at least as often is possible. If a person reaches adulthood without even having made one choice by himself how can he make his decisions later? It will be extremely difficult especially for intelligent people that tend to analyze and see the aspects over and over usually not finding the 100% right choice. What they have not learned is that most times there is no such thing as absolutely right choice. Except for that parents are the ones that must teach children that failure is inevitable many times and that what they must do is find the mistake and try again. The children must be encouraged to do so and not be labeled worthless and incapable. Moreover the parents need to show that they trust their children of course within the boundaries that are acceptable.
By all I have said previously I don't suggest that parents should let children do whatever they want. Rules are very crucial in order the child and teenager to develop the structured personality that can cope with society and be a succesful part of it. And I believe that one of the greatest lessons for a child is to learn when it must break a rule and face the concequences in the rare situations that the rule is not appropriate. Because that is the way life and society is.
One last thing is that parents should not try to force their children do what they think normal because every person is different and especially intelligent ones. However children can be encouraged to involve these more conventional antivities in their style of life since they help them interact better with other people andso reach maturity and happiness.
Intelligent persons tend to think over practically everything. They may think about a physics problem but also the characteristics of behavior of people around or their character. They analyze things from a very early age and tend to be quiet and not very energetic. This behavior gradually inhibits the spontaneous child behavior with the result of slower action initiative but also the gradual developing of distance between the person and the peer group that acts in a different manner more conventional. The child or teenager is then practicallly expelled from the peer group as a misfit or someone too different to hang out with. The rejection (continoous usually) at the preadult ages is devastating on an emotional level. Usually that person cannot understand the cause of this. There is also the tendency in people to think in the way if someone is quiet and reserved let him be and this most times is done by the parents too. And this is not acceptable of course. It is reasonable that parents that are not of the same intellectual level as their children will have problems understanding them but they are the ones that are most needed in order the intelligent young person to mature emotionally and be able to face the hostility that many times the human environment has against such persons.
The first and most important factor is the attention in the family. The child or teen needs to know and feel that the parents care and try to help him when it is needed.Even if the parents cannot understand the child due to his difference they must show that they try to be there and it might be good to express this difficulty so the child/teen can understand that their possible failure to understand him is not because of indifference. They must make the child/teen understand that despite his different way of thought they do what they can for him. I believe that it is more important for the young person to feel that the parents care and try to help than the actual success of their help and understanding.
The second factor is love. Simply love. A child or teen however smart or not needs to be loved. The fact that this person is an excellent thinker has nothing to do with how child he is. Every child and teen needs love that is expressed. Some parents tend to take it as a fact that the child feels their love but do nothing about expressing their love either verbaly or physically by a hug or something. Many parents believe that because on the intellectual level the child thinks as a grown up that it also feels as one but that is not true as the emotional maturing is very rarely connected to the intellectual one.
The third factor is the way parents try to develop the child's/teenager's self-confidence and that is very important since such persons tend to be expelled by their peer groups and this destroys self confidence. First the parents must encourage their children to do things that are feasible for their age but also for their abilities. They must encourage them to take initiative but also to make their own decision in subjects that are not too crucial to come into the parents responsibility but important enouph to help children make decisions and make the right ones at least as often is possible. If a person reaches adulthood without even having made one choice by himself how can he make his decisions later? It will be extremely difficult especially for intelligent people that tend to analyze and see the aspects over and over usually not finding the 100% right choice. What they have not learned is that most times there is no such thing as absolutely right choice. Except for that parents are the ones that must teach children that failure is inevitable many times and that what they must do is find the mistake and try again. The children must be encouraged to do so and not be labeled worthless and incapable. Moreover the parents need to show that they trust their children of course within the boundaries that are acceptable.
By all I have said previously I don't suggest that parents should let children do whatever they want. Rules are very crucial in order the child and teenager to develop the structured personality that can cope with society and be a succesful part of it. And I believe that one of the greatest lessons for a child is to learn when it must break a rule and face the concequences in the rare situations that the rule is not appropriate. Because that is the way life and society is.
One last thing is that parents should not try to force their children do what they think normal because every person is different and especially intelligent ones. However children can be encouraged to involve these more conventional antivities in their style of life since they help them interact better with other people andso reach maturity and happiness.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
about antisocial (not sociable) behavior
I want to write something about people who for different reasons try to stay away from other people and feel ok only when they are alone. I believe it is a serious problem of today's society. There are many reasons for people to behave in this way. There are people who just can't stand the others. They get irritated by everything especially when they think their personal space is invaded. Other people are too shy to have social relations. They are practically afraid of the contact with other people. They don't know what to say or to do in such cases and therefore to avoid the stress of this situation they prefer to stay alone. Both categories are in practive incapable to cope with the changes that human and social contact brings, they feel comfortable in their more static way of life. But the question is why this people become antisocial and practically incapable of feeling the joy of contact?
The need to communicate with other people is something we have from birth. Babies love to be smiled at or hugged. Children like to have the attention of the other children and the adults and enjoy it. So what happened to these people? The basis in succesful communication is given in the primary cell of family. The success of a family gives the child the ability to perform communication and contact with others. Such a family works in terms of a continous try to understand each other, of conversation about the problems and needs of every member but also love that is shown. In such a family the child learns to express its opinion , to discuss his interests and problems and it learns also that it can love and be loved by people. A person which has received respect in its early years will have the ability to have its own personality, believe in it and express it too. Also an active family brings a dynamical way of life and the child learns to cope with change and get interest from it. The exact opposite can happen when in the family there is violence or verbal fighting ,indifference, lack of understanding, disrespect for the child. Then the child is very probable to start keeping distances from people and never grow the self-confidence to become social.
Exept family there is also the group of friends that in teen years plays a significant role in the social develpment of the human. When in the peer group the teen receives rejection he can restrain from contact and slowly become antisocial. We need friends to respect us and help us in our teen years in order to build a trust to ourselves and to society and become sociable.
But there is always the possibility of an adult from antisocial becoming sociable. This needs a lot of inner strength but most importantly friends and family with the mental and emotional strength to help. Unfortunately the people with these qualities are to few and the people with antisocial behavior to many. Does this state something about the success of our society? I believe yes. As a society we perform superficial contact and communication lacking the ability to go deeper to create an emotional communication too and explore the benefits of this deep mental-emotional contact. It is though reasonable in a society of mistrust and of lack of frankness. Yet a try is worth the benefits that can come from it.
The need to communicate with other people is something we have from birth. Babies love to be smiled at or hugged. Children like to have the attention of the other children and the adults and enjoy it. So what happened to these people? The basis in succesful communication is given in the primary cell of family. The success of a family gives the child the ability to perform communication and contact with others. Such a family works in terms of a continous try to understand each other, of conversation about the problems and needs of every member but also love that is shown. In such a family the child learns to express its opinion , to discuss his interests and problems and it learns also that it can love and be loved by people. A person which has received respect in its early years will have the ability to have its own personality, believe in it and express it too. Also an active family brings a dynamical way of life and the child learns to cope with change and get interest from it. The exact opposite can happen when in the family there is violence or verbal fighting ,indifference, lack of understanding, disrespect for the child. Then the child is very probable to start keeping distances from people and never grow the self-confidence to become social.
Exept family there is also the group of friends that in teen years plays a significant role in the social develpment of the human. When in the peer group the teen receives rejection he can restrain from contact and slowly become antisocial. We need friends to respect us and help us in our teen years in order to build a trust to ourselves and to society and become sociable.
But there is always the possibility of an adult from antisocial becoming sociable. This needs a lot of inner strength but most importantly friends and family with the mental and emotional strength to help. Unfortunately the people with these qualities are to few and the people with antisocial behavior to many. Does this state something about the success of our society? I believe yes. As a society we perform superficial contact and communication lacking the ability to go deeper to create an emotional communication too and explore the benefits of this deep mental-emotional contact. It is though reasonable in a society of mistrust and of lack of frankness. Yet a try is worth the benefits that can come from it.
A small message for the beginning of the blog
Hello to everyone!
I write this blog to express my opinion on psychological, sociological but also technological points of life. I don't claim neither to be the first to express them nor that I am sure about how right my opinion is. I would like to be sent of references relative to each subject that the commentor knows about in comments. I also am not a native English speaker so there are mistakes to be expected.
I write this blog to express my opinion on psychological, sociological but also technological points of life. I don't claim neither to be the first to express them nor that I am sure about how right my opinion is. I would like to be sent of references relative to each subject that the commentor knows about in comments. I also am not a native English speaker so there are mistakes to be expected.
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